Episode Post-Mortem: 7×11 & 7×12: Where The Fuck Is Simes?

March 2, 2009 11:24 PM
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You know, these episodes had some pretty amazing moments. The Jack/Tony scene at the beginning of the two hours, the related conversation between Tony and Bill at the end of the first hour, and then the scene between Bill and Jack with the steel bars between them. But all of that will have to wait for the time being, and be resumed tomorrow night with Kat. For now, I would like to express my feelings about what was almost a hugely amazing 24 moment, but just ended up being a crushing disappointment for a Season 1 Episode 1 the night it aired on network television fan like myself. And that, my friends and compatriots, is the return of not-Simes.

When Michael Bryan French popped up on my screen, I jumped out of my seat. “Holy shit!!!! Is that FRANK SIMES???” I shrieked. Frank Fucking Simes! Crown Prince of the Season 1 Frank Fenomenon! Ol’ Simes, still on the job with Secret Service, even after all these years. #11 on the AlmeidaIsGod.com Top 24 One Episode Characters of 24 List. THIS GUY IS A LEGEND IN THESE PARTS. Just ask Matt. Seriously. I was SO FUCKING PUMPED. Then, when asked to identify himself, Simes says his name is “Agent Hovis”. AGENT FUCKING HOVIS??????? WTF?????

But seriously, I just don’t get it. You have the actor, who obviously knows he has done the show before, and Cochran/Gordon et al must know has done the series before, and you let the opportunity for THE UNBELIEVABLY AMAZING return of a completely obscure random S1 character for whom AIG’s heart still burns slip through your fingers??? I’m at a loss. Seriously. I don’t know what to say. The character was a Secret Service agent, it would have been perfect! Especially since Frank Simes knows Jack Bauer from way back at the San Clarita Power Plant. Working the same detail as Aaron Pierce, the same day HE met Jack. Whatever the name of the character was in the original script, as soon as MBF was cast, Simes should have been a done deal.

The only explanation I can think of is that TPTB just simply did not think we would remember Frank Simes. Not-Faheen in S4 was bad enough, and I am actually on board with Detective Mike Norris’ reincarnation as General Juma just because the actor is so fantastic, but Not-Simes is simply unacceptable. FOR SHAME, 24!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I apologize for my excessive use of the CAPSLOCK key in this post. Honestly, Not-Simes has driven me to CAPSLOCK. I’m pleased that the Not-Simes episode is mine to review, even though (and there will be more than one automatic 0.5 deduction, I can tell you that) Tony was not in it.